My husband doesn’t say much but when he does it can be so valuable. Especially when I asked his advice.
The other morning my oldest son, who is 10, was having a hard time. He worries and stresses about…what I consider…unimportant. Of course for him it’s quite important because it’s his life. It is difficult for me to console him because I get frustrated when he worries. My emotions get intertwined with his because I used to be a worrier too so he reminds me of myself. After dropping him off at school, I had this thought to call my husband and ask if there was something he felt I needed to do differently to help the situation. It felt like a vulnerable ask because it is difficult to hear that I may be doing something wrong as a mom. But I knew it was necessary. So I called him. I asked him what he thought I needed to do to help him. His advice was to put boundaries in place (which is something I share with my clients all of the time when they are having a hard time in relationship).
Then he said something that struck me deep in my heart. It was one of those moments where he shared some very valuable words.
I shared with him what I had told our son that morning, that I wished he would trust us because we know what is best for him and our job is to guide him.
My husband’s response was…he needs to learn to trust himself.
It was a moment of yes, of course. Don’t we all.
I tell my clients all the time to trust themselves. I tell myself to trust myself.
Trust the process is one of my mantras.
Trusting in our own knowing is one of the most important things we can work on in the growth and development of our being. It is something that most of us don’t do well. Including my son.
I share the same practice with him. And when I get frustrated around his frustrations it’s because I am not trusting myself. I am not trusting what I know what is best for him. If I did, my boundaries would be in place and I would not waver from them.
And he is not trusting that he knows when he is right.
Relationships teach us so much, especially our closest ones. They are a mirror for our own growth. If we look at our relationships as an opportunity for growth we will see that we can heal faster together.
Learn to listen to the people around you. Trust them. Trust yourself.