I value real-time communication.
What I mean by that, is speaking to the truth of how we feel in the moment.
What I mostly see in my clients and experience in my own relationships is a way of deflection or by-passing how we truly feel.
I especially see it when things get hard. We tend to disregard what we are feeling or we disregard what the other might be feeling. We deflect or by-pass, assuming it isn’t important to speak to.
When we feel something that is uncomfortable inside, we do two things, we shut down or we get angry. But we don’t speak to it.
Shutting down looks like not speaking up, changing direction, going past it or around it, or laughing it off as no big deal.
Anger looks like, yelling and screaming, talking in words that don’t make sense, or bad-mouthing to another person.
Why don’t we speak directly to it? Because it is REALLY hard to express. We aren’t used to telling someone we feel disappointed in them and we aren’t used to hearing someone say they are disappointed in us. We immediately feel bad or take offense.
Last month, my step-dad passed away and I needed some time away from my life. I needed to retreat and feel my sorrow and grieve fully. We don’t take nearly enough time off of work and away from our life to fully feel the loss that only death can bring up. I knew I needed it.
I reached out to all of my clients and cancelled my sessions for three weeks. I cancelled all of my in-person commitments, I ordered food online to be delivered to my house, and most importantly I stepped away from social media completely. I spent time with my family talking about my step-dad and all he brought to my life and the lives of those closest to him.
At first, everyone understood; however, it wasn’t too long and I could feel the push-back from some of my clients and friends. It wasn’t intentional. I knew they had my best interest in mind. But they were disappointed. My clients and friends had things going on in their lives and they desired support.
During these three weeks, I had several real-time communication conversations. When I would feel the push-back or disappointment, I reached out right away and said one thing that brought about big conversations. I said…I can feel your disappointment and I would love for you to speak to it if I am reading that energy correctly.
Each time, I was reading it correctly and the conversations that arose were beautiful and very healing for all involved.
I have been practicing this for a while now and it is creating deeper relationships. If I feel something I speak to it and if I feel something from someone else, I reach out and ask.
There is definitely an art to it. Like everything, it takes practice.
It is really important not to blame or assume you know. Always ask for clarification.
When we blame we are assuming the other person is doing something to us and we aren’t taking full responsibility for our part. We assume their intention is bad. Most of the time this is a mis-perception.
When you communicate, always come from a place of love and compassion. Ask yourself, am I coming from love and compassion?
I noticed that ….. Is everything okay with you?
I feel that you are angry with me or disappointed, is that true?
You can feel the energy in these words. They are soft, non-blaming, and non-assuming.
Real-time communication is vitally important to the entire healing of our planet.
We heal best together.