The real reason you think I am busy

When I was younger, other people used to tell me they thought I was a bitch before they actually spoke to me.
(The truth is that I was shy and I didn’t talk a lot).

I used to get told to smile because I looked unhappy.
(The truth is that I am a focused person. I am very present and it can look serious.)
I don’t get “you are a bitch” or “smile” anymore, probably because I talk and smile more.
Now I get…you are so busy. I never get to talk to you. I don’t get to see you. Can we get together, if you aren’t too busy…of course?
The thing is, I am not busy, just like I was never a bitch and I was not unhappy because I wasn’t smiling all the time.
My life is full but I don’t feel busy in my life. I feel focused and present and I have a lot of boundaries. I might be the least busy person I know.
I know a lot of people who are really busy. I know people who do something every moment of the day.  I know people who do not create space in their lives to sit in silence and do nothing. I know busy, I see busy.

That is not me. Anyone who has really spent time with me knows that I am slow, spacious, and connected. Most of the time.

And I continue to create and choose that life for myself.
I nurture two businesses, two homes, two kids, my partnership and most importantly myself. These are the most important things in my life. I am not apologetic about that because these are the things that create a happy life for me.
What I see for most people, especially women, is that they are not taking care of or nurturing the most important parts of their lives (in balance).
I see women taking care of their children and not themselves.

I see women feeling guilty about leaving their family to take a night to themselves.

I see women focusing on their children and forgetting about their relationship.

I see women in jobs that don’t make them happy at all.

And I see them continuing to do the same thing in the same way, making the same choices and then feeling busy and overwhelmed.

I see this because I talk to women all day, all the time.

It’s my work (and by the way I LOVE my work).

It is time to S L O W way down. It is time to stop and listen to yourself, to others, to what your busy life is trying to show you.

When I hear the word busy, I hear this.

WARNING: This may feel uncomfortable but the truth is not always comfortable. 

It isn’t your life or the demands of your life. It isn’t your work or your kids or your husband or the sports or whatever. It is your choice and it is how you are showing up in your life.

YOU are BUSY, not me.

When you stop and listen and look at your life. When you look at why you are busy you may find lots of uncomfortable feelings. 

Most of us don’t want to be uncomfortable so we keep ourselves busy to avoid it.

If you stop though, if you truly stop and ask yourself why you are busy you are going to find these things. This is what is true in all of that busyness and this is what you are avoiding.

  • You desire help and instead of asking for help you continue to keep yourself busy proving to yourself that nobody cares to help you.

  • You need real life human connection in your life and instead of making time to deeply connect, you keep yourself busy proving to yourself that nobody reaches out to you to connect because they are too busy.

  • You want to connect with every part of your life. You want to be present in it and instead of stopping and looking around, you are looking outside of it finding things to keep you busy so that you can prove to yourself that you are just too busy to be in it.

  • You want to spend your time on the things/ in the relationships that are most important to you but you say yes to things that are not and then you prove to yourself that you don’t have time to do the things that are most important to you.

This is what I see in the experience of busy. Because if you truly loved your life, if you felt cared for, connected, and had the help you desired, you wouldn’t feel busy at all, you would be enjoying every full moment. (Unless there is a challenge of course and then that’s just hard.)

Sent With a Whole Lotta Love and Fierceness.