What is anger telling us?

The other night I found myself lying in bed. My body was tense, hot and restless.  My mind was spinning in a circle with no way out. My body was restless.  My skin was hot.  I was mad.

I took a deep breath and said to myself, okay so you’re angry.  So be angry.  Yell if you want.  Let yourself spin in circles. Be ANGRY!

Then I looked for the information in the anger.  I asked myself, why are you REALLY angry?

I was angry because I hadn’t gotten what I wanted.

Just like when your child throws a tantrum in the store because they want something and you tell them no, this is exactly what I was experiencing.

But the difference is…I hadn’t asked for it.  (This is key)

My boundaries were totally out of whack.  I said one thing but expected something else!  I had not communicated my boundaries in a very clear and concise way. So when I didn’t get what I wanted it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but my own.

After the experience I was able to look at my boundaries more closely and decide what I truly wanted.  And I was able to communicate them clearly and effectively.  Effectively being most important.

Anger has information in it.  

If you could see my anger in my body, it lives in my chest and stomach and head and it is red in color. It is hot and fast.

If I am not aware of it I may yell at another person or punch someone or put someone down.  All of which are so not cool because it leads to all sorts of problem for us and our relationships with others.

If we allow ourselves to feel it and take it as information then we can reveal the truth in the emotion.

Anytime we are angry it has to do with our boundaries. We have either violated our own boundaries or we need to create some.

One of my boundaries is that I need to wind down at the end of the night.  I need to put my kids to bed and then take time to myself…whether it be to watch a show with my husband or read in bed or plan the following day or clean up the house or give a healing to myself. Whatever I choose to do I NEED that time.

I used to lay with my boys when I put them to bed and I felt that I needed to do that because they were going to grow up fast and not want me to lay in bed with them.  But doing this every single night got in the way of my winding down time and I was feeling resentful and getting angry with them.  There were lots of fights at bedtime mostly because I was feeling resentful.

So I ended it! One night at dinner I told them that I was not going to lie with them in bed.  And I stuck to it.  It has been a year now and even when I desire to lay with them I don’t because they will ask for it back and it was difficult enough to say no once and I don’t want to do it again.

Anger is an important emotion and it is important to channel it correctly. If we can fully feel it, be aware of it, and to accept it, the information will bring about an important change.  

Processing our emotions in a healthy way leads to a balanced way of being and an authentic way of living.

Can you think of a moment of anger that you have experienced? And in those situations can you identify some sort of boundary issue? Don’t worry about crafting a perfect comment..just let your thoughts roll out into our comment section!

With Love + SO much Appreciation,